How to Get a Date as an Introvert (6 Easy Steps)

Accepting the Truth

Dating for introverted guys is tough — it seems like all the girls in the world always choose to date outgoing, extroverted men. But honestly, who can blame them?

Most introverted guys expect or would like for the girls to make the first move. The reality is that women usually want to be approached, not chase guys around themselves. Consequently, figuring out how to get a date as an introvert can get tricky.

Remember that if you allow the woman to make the first ten, twenty moves, your role in the relationship will continue to be submissive.

You can’t present yourself one way, and then get upset when you realize that you don’t have as much of a say in the relationship as you thought. Even though this may sound harsh, it is true, and the sooner you accept it, the better.

If you start working on yourself now, you will be able to go into the world of dating a lot faster than you think. In order to get to that place in your life, though, you should follow these 6 easy tips (or rather steps!) on how to get a date as an introvert. Let’s dive in!

How to Get a Date as an Introvert

1. Build Self-Confidence and Deal with Rejections

Fear of rejection usually stems from low self-confidence. Think about it this way: if you knew you had nothing to lose and that you would be fine without the girl that could potentially reject you, you wouldn’t be so worried about it. 

But because of the idea that your world could fall apart if you got rejected, you develop a fear of rejection. Along with that, you just further lower your self-confidence.

It is crucial for all of us introverts to understand that we should never take rejections too personally. Of course, if we barely ever approach women, then every single time we do get rejected might actually feel like the end of the world. 

Yet, if we practice approaching women often enough, rejection isn’t going to matter to us as much anymore. The bottom line is that we need to work on our self-confidence and self-perception.

We should also mention that girls sometimes reject men because they had a bad day, or they really do have a boyfriend. With this in mind, it should be pretty clear to everyone that it is not always our approach that’s wrong. 

Admittedly, not all girls will like our approach, but it is impossible that all of them will detest it. Therefore, introverts should just keep working on their confidence — the right girl will recognize the effort.

Related: How to be more confident.

how to be flirty

2. Be Open and Flirty

Wondering how to get a date as an introvert fast? You may need to work on being more open with people. More importantly, you will have to work on your flirting skills.

Yeah, flirting — the one thing introverted people don’t even want to hear about. And that’s probably because we tend to be quite bad at it. It usually never comes naturally to us, but feels somewhat forced. What’s more, when we force it, it’s most likely going to be really awkward and cringy, as well as act as an immediate turnoff.

That’s why we need to learn how to do it so that it (at least) appears more natural or like we didn’t actually try as hard as we did. Unfortunately, this takes some practice, not to mention a lot of patience.

Dr. Jeffrey Hall makes an excellent point about introverts in his book The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want. He basically explains that the best-suited flirting styles for introverts are the ‘polite’ and the ‘sincere’ ones.

The point is that we should always be polite instead of trying to be the center of attention. This comes to us naturally, just like the ‘sincere’ style, which proposes that we should have meaningful conversations instead of casual chit-chats, for example. 

Now that doesn’t sound hard, does it? You can achieve great results by being an even more sincere and polite version of yourself!

3. Don’t Overthink Things

Overthinking has got to be one of our biggest enemies. ‘What will she say?’, ‘What if I look like a fool?’ and ‘Is this going to sound stupid?’ — these are the questions that often bother us and actually destroy our chances of getting the girl we want. 

The problem with introverts is that we do this with every single thing. But if we overthink each sentence we are about to say or move we are about to make, then everything we do really is going to come off as quite weird. Even worse, we may end up saying nothing and have to deal with the dreaded awkward silence.

In order to learn how to get a date as an introvert, we have to let go of the idea that girls are overanalyzing or picking at all these silly things. After all, we don’t do that with whatever it is that they are saying or doing. 

In the end, the key to success is to let everything follow its natural flow. The best thing for us to do is to just be ourselves, be kind, and listen

4. Take It Easy and Go at Your Own Pace

When learning how to get a date as an introvert, this is the part that most of us will find hard to grasp. However, it’s crucial for us introverts to go at our own pace. Modern dating looks rushed and often like a big mess to us. But we don’t have to go as fast as others. One step at a time!

Getting to know us can be hard for others. It definitely takes a good amount of time for us to let new people in too. Still, an introvert will show you who they are if you offer them a bit of understanding and patience.

Of course, not everyone will be understanding, and we can’t expect them to be. Even so, we shouldn’t be forced into rushing things if we’d like to take our time.

To conclude:

If a girl is trying to rush you, stand up for yourself, and ask for some patience. If she disagrees, then you will immediately know she’s not the right one for you. 

And that’s actually a good thing; the less time you waste, the better. That will ultimately take you to the next level, which is finding the girl of your dreams.

Related: How to make good first impressions on a girl.

how to have better conversations

5. Present Yourself Well

Although we all fear that we might come off as clumsy, perhaps even incompetent, there’s nothing to worry about as long as we learn how to present ourselves well. 

And it really isn’t as hard as it sounds! These five tips will let us show off our best traits and make a good impression:

  1. We should look like we’re comfortable in our skin and make sure that we come across as relaxed while maintaining a good posture. 

  2. We shouldn’t hesitate to make eye contact and smile. Still, there’s no need to overdo it.

  3. It goes without saying that we need to pay attention to our manners and body language.

  4. We mustn’t allow ourselves to talk about irrelevant things that will bore the girl; we need to capture her attention, of course, but we must listen to what she’s saying and find out more about her interests.

  5. It’s necessary that we take the time to make ourselves look good; sweatpants and a messy, patchy beard are not attractive at all.

Many people claim that looks don’t matter, but when it comes to first impressions, they really do. We’re all quick to judge someone based on their appearance, and there’s nothing really wrong about that.

If we look like we haven’t taken a shower in three days, then we shouldn’t be surprised when a girl rejects us. Sometimes, we only get one chance, and we shouldn’t waste it.

6. Go Out There

Unfortunately for some, in order to learn how to get a date as an introvert, you can’t stay at home

Getting yourself out there is going to be the trickiest part if you’re timid. But there shouldn’t be any issues if you follow the previous five steps to a T. It will be hard to adapt to all these instructions, no doubt, but once you get used to them, you’ll be unstoppable — we guarantee that!

The best piece of advice we can give you here is to try to be the best version of yourself. That way, you really will gain more confidence, which is one of the most attractive traits a person can have. But beware — if you overdo it, you might come across as arrogant and drive the girls away!

Finally, if you can’t bring yourself to go out and approach random women, maybe give online dating a shot first. It would be an excellent opportunity for you to meet girls and buy yourself some time to really prepare for getting that coveted first date. 


Hopefully, our step-by-step guide has helped you understand how to get a date as an introvert and achieve all your romantic goals. The world of dating might seem frightening for introverts, but getting into it will definitely pay off if you work on yourself.

The last piece of advice we have for you is — don’t pretend that you’re someone you’re not, i.e., an extrovert. Honesty is always the best policy, and being an introvert definitely isn’t anything to be ashamed of, anyway.

Remember — overthinking every single word and move may hinder your progress and lead to many painful failures. Instead, don’t be too harsh on yourself, have some patience, and try to present yourself in the best light possible. It truly is that easy!

Become Suave!

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